I bury my face into his chest and breathe him in, never wanting to let him go. He releases the metal railing and his aqua eyes sparkle as he hugs me. I frown, hating that when we walk off the bridge, he’ll leave me to return to the road with his band. He should be happy, love life, do what he wants to do. He worries about me all the time and the guilt consumes me. Micha doesn’t know the entire story of what happened and I want to save him from the burden. There is no running away anymore, only dealing with it and eventually moving on. My body and mind are exhausted from the drama, but I’ll push through, just like I did the last time. I keep trying to convince myself that it’s the addiction talking, not him, but I don’t entirely believe it. Cruel words were shouted that ripped at my heart. I wince at the recollection of my dad’s angry voice when he told me he wished I wasn’t his daughter, when Dean and I had confronted him about his alcoholism.

“You’ve been through a lot this weekend.” His knuckles turn white as he clutches onto the railing of the bridge and peers down at the lake. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” Micha asks, the same question he’s been asking for the last few days. I zip my jacket up as I gaze out at the dark water, lost in my thoughts of that terrible night when I considered jumping. The sky is cloudy and the gentle breeze kisses my skin. It’s not as painful as it used to be, but there are still raw memories linked to it that will haunt me forever. There’s something ominous about the bridge, yet I’m drawn to it by an inner compulsion.

The forever of ella and micha